this is kind of an oldish picture, but whatever(: i still love it. we're all in a row, and it was a total accident. which makes it pretty sweet(:soo.. i got in trouble with my aunt shell cause i always say i'm guna write on here, but i never do. when i think of it, i have to do something else, and when i have time to, i'm too tired to look at this screen. BLAAA..
i don't really remember what i wrote in my last blog, but. i'm a big ball of STRESS. i made a few crappy decisions lately, and it's determining too much for me to handle. i need to be careful with the choices i make.
school is school.
this past weekend, ciera stayed with me. kinda. she was with her boyfriend most of the time, which was alright but. she's getting on my nerves lately. it's not a very nice thing to say, but she's an attention whore. and it's true. and she knows it, but she would never admit to something like that. i love her, but my GOODNESS.
luckily i know her, cause if i really didn't, i would probably want to strangle her and drown her in a pool full of barbies. cause that would suit her.
she's too much like me, which makes it hard for me to be an inividual sometimes. haha. it's okay.
i don't know if i ever wrote about nick, but.. he was my flavor of the week.
that make me sound like a hussy? well.. i don't care. i may go through guys like crazy, but it's not like i sleep with them all or something.
nick and i lasted.. maybe three weeks.
he told me he was different from other guys.. (JUST like all the past guys had told me) and he straight up proved he wasn't when he slept with another girl and thought i wouldn't find out.
i never cried, and i am completely over it. but, i won't lie. at first i really wanted to take him back.. because i'm just like that. that's how i was with mr. joshua walker. he treated me like dirt, and didn't deserve me, but.. i really wish that i wouldn't see the good in people all the time. especially when i need to be looking out for my own best interest. even if i was what's best for the poor loser, i won't settle, or sell myself short for someone who will hurt me over and over.
i know i'm only 18.. but that does NOT mean that i don't know what love is and what it should be.
and if you're going to treat me like i'm; stupid, lower than you are, or with disrespect.. i will not give you the time of day to even THINK about hurting me again. i will tell you that you lost your chance, and that you won't ever find anyone else like me.
which, one. isn't a lie, and second.. will make you think about what the hell you just did.
i have never walked away from a guy without them feeling lower than dirt about what they did to me. and do i feel bad?
haha no.
i'll smile and wish you good luck next time, and i sure as hell hope the next girl is smart enough not to fall for what i did. this planet is swarming with people that don't care about anyone but themselves. which.. to be honest, makes me a little sick.
i would never be able to walk all over someone, and then act like nothing happened.
i feel sorry for the guys that hurt me in the past, because i would have treated them with the upmost respect, and i would have loved them more than a person knew they could love.
i'll be kicking myself for quite awhile for letting them do that to me in the first place, but i'm learning. and to me, is all that matters.
vive e' impara.
i already have a new guy anyways.
and this time..
nothing's getting by me.
