you know what? sarah.. i'm sorry. for everything. i know that you don't mean to act different around me and i know you don't mean to treat me different either, but i guess i just decided to be mad at you along with all the other things i'm mad about. and that's wrong. i love you and i'm sorry if i'm making you feel like i hate you or something. it's hard to be mad at you but for the last couple days it's easy because i feel like i'm losing you. i need you and you need me. i'm so sick of being mad. i'm not ever sad anymore. and i'd rather cry everyday rather than be mad at the world. i'm mad because i just want to move.. i'm mad because i miss people that i talk to everyday. i'm mad because i feel like sarah feels like she has to change the way she is around colton to make him like her.. because she doesn't need to. if he doesn't like her for EXACTLY who she is as the amazing girl she already is, then screw him. because you're perfect the way you are. i'm mad because matt won't let go of my past.. i don't know why he does some of the things he does.. i'm mad because now.. when josh hugs me, i wana cry. i can't take that he wants to leave. now that i'm talking about it, i'm starting to tear up. nothing's the same. nothing. i'm sick of having to tell myself that everything is going to be ok. now i know why people love having someone else tell them.. it means more coming from someone else because for me, i can't convince myself of anything.
i'm mad because when i want to cry i can't. and when i wana hold it in, i can't.
when i want everything to be the same, everything changes.
when i want something to change, nothing does.
i don't know anymore! maybe i'm just a mess..
