i didn't go to school today. i don't feel good at all, in more than one way. josh left today, for good. i guess he starts school on wednesday. i think.. hm.
Sarah? i hope you see this. and if you don't well.. then i guess i'm writing this for no reason. but i'll take that risk. you can delete me from your blog, you can ignore me all you want, you can pretend that this is all my fault, and you can go and find a friend 'ten times better' than me.. but you know that you'll never forget me. you could never take anything back, and never apologize, but.. i already forgave you.
i said i was sorry. and i meant it. and someone had to remind me that.. no guy is worth losing my best friend over. i'm not going to sit here and tell you what you already know. you know what you did to me, and you're not stupid. so.. if you wana believe that it wasn't wrong, then fine.
just remember that we've made it through everything together. nothing stopped you and me from being the two friends that never let go of each other like everyone else did. you're the best friend that i've ever had. and i know that i mess up sometimes. i know i'm selfish and flawed, but no one's perfect. and i've loved you through anything and everything. i just hope maybe you can still do the same. you're the one that was so worried about everyone changing, and wanting things to be the way they use to be.. but. you know that you're pushing everyone away. including me. i need you more than ever right now. and you haven't been there.. i'm trying to do the best i can, but the longer i have to wait for you to apologize the more i'm going to miss you and have to go on knowing that you're still happy. so. to be honest, i don't care if you never say you're sorry, but if you're happier without me, and you want me out of your life, then fine..
just know that i'll always be here.
if and when you decide you still want me to be your best friend, you let me know.
but till then, i guess i'll let it be.
i love you.
love, meghan ashley.
